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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Editing and Re-crafting Aldora's Cross country story

Today we practised re-crafting a piece of writing. The first paragraph belongs to Aldora and the second one belongs to Mao and I.

“Cross country, Cross country” is the worst event ever. I would never dream about cross country. Today is cross country and I am not feeling good. But I  just want to support my team TE ARAWA.  “GO TE ARAWA” I said quietly to myself.

Jordenne and Mao's
“Cross country”! This is the worst event ever. Why would I dream about this? I know I will just have to do it anyway, and try not to come last.
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4 comments:

  1. MarySeptember 4, 2012 at 10:29 AM

    Hi Jordenne,
    Your piece of writing is so detailed. Your sentence beginnings are great. You have simple and complex sentences. You and Mao have done a awesome job at editing and re- crafting Aldora's work. Keep it Up!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. NikitaSeptember 4, 2012 at 10:59 AM

    Hi Jordenne,

    I really liked your story it had detail and it was interesting.Your re crafting was amazing.
    KEEP IT UP

    ReplyDelete
  3. Miss KSeptember 6, 2012 at 7:13 PM

    I like how you included speech and a question in your paragraph. You also have a good mix of complex and simple sentences. Try to keep your audience engaged by giving enough detail so as they know what is going on. Otherwise, a great effort Jordenne.

    ReplyDelete
  4. mumSeptember 14, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    mmmm...nice! your story writing is becoming so good...and detailed. Definitely a better story writer than mummy was at your age. Mummy x

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