Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Editing and Re-crafting Aldora's Cross country story

Today we practised re-crafting a piece of writing. The first paragraph belongs to Aldora and the second one belongs to Mao and I.

“Cross country, Cross country” is the worst event ever. I would never dream about cross country. Today is cross country and I am not feeling good. But I  just want to support my team TE ARAWA.  “GO TE ARAWA” I said quietly to myself.

Jordenne and Mao's
“Cross country”! This is the worst event ever. Why would I dream about this? I know I will just have to do it anyway, and try not to come last.


  1. Hi Jordenne,
    Your piece of writing is so detailed. Your sentence beginnings are great. You have simple and complex sentences. You and Mao have done a awesome job at editing and re- crafting Aldora's work. Keep it Up!!!!!

  2. Hi Jordenne,

    I really liked your story it had detail and it was interesting.Your re crafting was amazing.

  3. I like how you included speech and a question in your paragraph. You also have a good mix of complex and simple sentences. Try to keep your audience engaged by giving enough detail so as they know what is going on. Otherwise, a great effort Jordenne.

  4. mmmm...nice! your story writing is becoming so good...and detailed. Definitely a better story writer than mummy was at your age. Mummy x