Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Practice test Narrative

Clear And 'Juicy'Some of my writing can be understood by my audience.My message is able to be understood, and my writing does not turn off the audience.My writing has audience appeal and the message is very clear.
ContentI've attempted to write about one main idea.I have a key idea in the first sentence with supporting details in the following sentences.I've used sentences that are connected and build up the main idea
Sentence BeginningsI've attempted to use more than one varied sentence beginning.I have a key idea in the first sentence with supporting details in the following sentences.I've used carefully chosen vocabulary/clauses as sentence beginnings.
Variety of sentencesI've attempted to use a variety of sentence types, lengths or complexities.I've used a variety of sentence types (.?!"") and sentence lengths and complexitiesI've carefully chosen a variety of sentence types, lengths & complexities to enhance the paragraph.
VocabularyI've attempted to use some clever vocabulary.I've chosen some clever vocabulary and have tried to use it appropriately.I've carefully chosen clever vocabulary and have used it appropriately.
Title: Never Give Up!
One day, there was a man named John Randal. He owned a paddy field where beautiful rice grew everyday. But he couldn’t work there all by himself. So he decided to drive around town, asking people if they wanted a job in his field.  

There was one man sitting down doing nothing. So John asked “Hey I’m John. I just came to ask if you need a job?”. The man looked up and started coughing and replied “I’m Josh. What kind of job is it?” “Its a paddy field” Josh put one eyebrow up…… show John that he had no idea what a paddy field was. So John answered “It’s where rice grow” Josh nodded his head and said “Sure……….but you need to teach me how to do it”. John laughed and started walking around with him looking for more people. At around 2 o’clock they found another man walking around the supermarket looking at the food. John and Josh walked up to him and asked “ Hi I’m John and this is Josh. I have a Paddy field and we just came here to ask if you want to work there?”. The man looked up and answered “ I’m Andy. So… much do we get paid?” “About $10.00” He replied. “Then lets go!” The 3 walked around looking for more people to work. But when afternoon fell and the moon replaced the sun, it was time for them to go home. “Ok, you guys come tomorrow and there, you will start your job.” So they both nodded their heads and walked off.

The next day at 9:00am John walked outside and saw Josh and Andy. “Morning guys, you can both start now. I will be going to get more workers”. John hopped into the car and drove away. While he was driving he was looking around. About 2 hours later at 11:00am 1 person caught his eye. “Hhhhmmm.. this man should be it” John jumped out of the car and started eavesdropping. “YOU GOT FIRED!!!! Why! Why do you always get fired from a job! You ain’t living with us if you don’t find another job!” The woman slammed the door on his face and he started walking away.

While the man was walking sadly John turned around and said “I’m John. You know I can make that lady proud for you” The man looked at John weirdly and said “How?” John bent down to his ear like he was telling him a secret and whispered “I have a job for you at the paddy field. You know...where you grow..” “Yes, yes I know” So they both hopped inside the car and drove away. “I think you’re gonna like this job, and you're gonna meet heaps of friends” When they got their John parked the car and they both hopped out.

Josh and Andy heard the car so they ran towards it. “Josh and Andy this is…..? Oh I’m sorry I didn’t give you time to introduce yourself. So whats your name?” “I’m Michael” he answered.
“So Michael you're gonna work with these 2 brilliant workers. Well 1 brilliant worker.” So off they went while John drove around and looked for more workers. After days and days, the first 3 workers Josh, Andy and Michael hasn’t been coming to their jobs. Andy was wasting his money by not buying stuff for his family. Michael was showing off his money to his wife. And Josh was just staring at his money, because he had no idea what to do with it.

John waited and waited for them, he looked at his wristwatch and it was passed 9:00am. “Where are those boys??” John was getting a little cranky. “I can’t waste my time waiting for them. I’ll get new workers!!” John went into the car with an angry face and started searching…… again!

While he was searching he saw Andy, Josh and Michael. He hopped out of the car and said “Where have you guys been?” Andy, Josh and Michael looked at each other. “You know John we didn’t really want to work! We wanted money.” John looked angry and drove away. He saw them laughing.

His crops were dying. He was so sad, John was about to give up but then 1 brilliant idea popped inside his head. He got a pen with a lot of papers and started writing. The next day everyone saw a sign up that said “HELP WANTED AT THE PADDY FIELD!” John woke up and heard people outside of his house. He opened the door and saw people with his signs that he has been writing all night long! He smiled and shouted “Come and give me your name. Then lets get started!” Andy, John and Michael walked passed Johns field and saw people!

They ran to John and said “Who are these people?!” John looked at them and replied “Oh Hi guys. These lovely people are my new workers. I’m so sorry I don’t have time because I am busy. Sorry Susy I’m coming!” He shouted. “Should we come back to work?” Josh asked. “No!” Then they walked away feeling bad!!


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